Connection and the Year of the Lord's Favor
January started off strong with connecting with friends. We had vision for the year and motivation. We decided that we wanted to try to start a family and on Valentines day, we found out we were pregnant! Daniel was very excited and I found myself feeling a little overwhelmed and nervous to take on a new role as a mother. I was also very nervous about having a miscarriage because my mother had one before I was born. At our first ultrasound my fears became reality. There was no heartbeat and our baby was measuring to be small. The doctor had us wait another 10 days to be sure that we had miscarried and at our second appointment on St. Patrick's day, the miscarriage was confirmed. We lost our baby just before the 6 week mark.
I told myself that it would be fine and that we would try again. Miscarriage is common and happens to a lot of people. We could see God's caring hand in it all. We were thankful that we hadn't heard the baby's heartbeat yet and that we weren't further along in the pregnancy. That night, we got to go to a worship night for the Fine Arts districts competition, where the worship team unknowingly sung out our favorite worship song "Worthy of it all" which we also sang at our wedding. We cried and gave it to God because from Him are all things and to Him are all things and He does deserve the glory in every situation.
2023 continued full steam ahead. I partook in a friend's wedding festivities traveling to Louisville, KY for a bachelorette weekend. Fisher Films was being blessed with jobs with Jonathon Shuttlesworth and Revival Today traveling once a month to film events in Dallas. We travelled to Florida for spring break and then Ohio for my friend's wedding. We were busy and processing the loss, but hopeful for what was to come.
In June, we took a European Cruise with my family. Daniel and I arrived in Rome a few days before everyone else so that we could experience the city before departing on the cruise. We had so much fun walking all over the city, sight seeing and eating great food and the day before the cruise, we found out I was pregnant again. This time felt more hopeful. I was less of a deer in headlights and more excited about the journey to becoming parents. We hadn't been trying to get pregnant, and the timing of it all felt perfect. Surely God wouldn't have us walk through another miscarriage.
Waiting 10 weeks for our first ultrasound was challenging. There's a lot of anxiety that comes into play after one miscarriage despite trying to have faith over fear. Unfortunately, again, there was no heartbeat. How could this happen again?
And this is when I think the year shifted.
Daniel made the decision to stay home with me even though he was suppose to leave for the National Fine Arts Festival the next day with our church. Because we weren't going to Columbus, we made the decision to share openly with our church community about our loss. People began to come out of the woodwork sharing their owns stories of miscarriage, infant loss and grief. We received food, money, flowers, texts, calls, hugs, and prayers from so many people.
God provided a new miscarriage small group for me to attend weekly with two women who have also experienced loss. God continued to show favor to Fisher Films with the success of Prisoner By Choice, other film projects, and jobs with Revival Today.
In October, I got to travel to Dallas Fort Worth for the weekend to meet Daniel where I got to connect with an old Ad Deum friend who had miscarried in the past year and with an old Ad Deum roommate. Daniel and I got to see a solar eclipse and attended a worship services at UpperRoom where we felt God speak to us vision about the future.
The holidays brought sweet time with family and friends and a deeper sense of gratitude for the story God had written for us. I continue to have so much gratitude and respect for my husband who truly was my rock during a year of many layers of grief and emotional instability.
At one point, I thought that 2023 would be that year that you can't wait is over when New Years Eve rolls around, but I find myself in a completely different place than I expected. Our words for this year, connection and "the year of the Lord's favor" turned out to be spot on, but in a way I never expected. Connection came through grief and God's favor was seen not only in Daniel's business and the things we received, but in the community that we have around us, the marriage He has given us, and the babies that came and left too quickly.
God's favor doesn't always look like provision of finances, happiness, and gifts, but his favor can be found in experiencing grief and gaining deeper connections in our relationships and community. His favor can be found in experiencing the valley of the shadow of death and gaining empathy we can give others who have walked or will walk similar paths. His favor can be found in the people that see you when you feel like you're invisible, the people that assure you that you aren't crazy when you feel like your grief is irrational, and the people that pray for you at a distance. And even though we never got to hold our babies or even hear their hearts beat, they are gifts from the Lord. Jeffrey and Faith continue to teach us about empathy, compassion, forgiveness, faith, and how to love others better in their place of grief.
Despite all of the pain that 2023 brought, it will be remembered as a year of rich connection and favor from our Lord.
The Year of the Lord's Favor
1 The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;[a]
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;[b]
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
3 to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.[c]
4 They shall build up the ancient ruins;
they shall raise up the former devastations;
they shall repair the ruined cities,
the devastations of many generations.
5 Strangers shall stand and tend your flocks;
foreigners shall be your plowmen and vinedressers;
6 but you shall be called the priests of the Lord;
they shall speak of you as the ministers of our God;
you shall eat the wealth of the nations,
and in their glory you shall boast.
7 Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion;
instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot;
therefore in their land they shall possess a double portion;
they shall have everlasting joy.
8 For I the Lord love justice;
I hate robbery and wrong;[d]
I will faithfully give them their recompense,
and I will make an everlasting covenant with them.
9 Their offspring shall be known among the nations,
and their descendants in the midst of the peoples;
all who see them shall acknowledge them,
that they are an offspring the Lord has blessed.
10 I will greatly rejoice in the Lord;
my soul shall exult in my God,
for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation;
he has covered me with the robe of righteousness,
as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
11 For as the earth brings forth its sprouts,
and as a garden causes what is sown in it to sprout up,
so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise
to sprout up before all the nations.
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